Tuesday twilight; with a look at the yet starless sky, my view started obfuscating gradually and then all at once, blackened. I tried to betray my mind and thought for a millisecond if the fog season has arrived and rubbed the window but my struggle failed terribly. Moments later I noticed droplets falling one by one on the sill just then I realised how overwhelmed I was with the (no matter how much I try, my brain can’t dodge) thoughts which nauseatingly produced lump in my throat. I frequently asked myself since I opened my already awake but fakely closed eyes, ‘Do you want this?’ Without processing the words my heart replied, ‘Do.Not.Listen.To.Me.Or.I.Will.Destroy.You!’ So as usual I was left alone by the assistance of my (oh so filled with unpalatable but necessary decisions of my life) brain. It, without any second thought said, ‘Yes gal! Once in life choose yourself-ummm I am sorry that I have to lie to you but please consider what I said rather than You.Dont.Have.Any.Other.Choice.You.Are.Once.Again.Left.Alone fact’.


So yes! Here I am after all, after everything. Life doesn’t pity you, it never pities me. It continues even if I am half alive or not alive at all. Maybe because its not only me-there are many out there blithe and beaming and of course world doesn’t rely on my living. It will continue without my approval. I have embraced the hurting again though I believe it will be healed one day no matter if the mark is permanent. Today, I have decided to let go, to wrap up myself in the (always organized, persuaded and waiting for myself) shell. I am not sure I will love it but it absolutely will rest my heart in peace. Goodbye yesterday…

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